And The Beat Goes On ...

And The Beat Goes On ♥

Compliant people politely deny their boundaries to keep the peace.  When they finally do stand up for themselves it is so out of character people close to them automatically assume that something is wrong and they blame someone else.  Perception does not equal truth—is the glass half full or half empty?

It all started back in elementary school; first or second grade, I believe.  Jody Barton asked me to spend the night at her house.  She lived about five miles from our house (actually we lived in a trailer and I was always too embarrassed to invite friends to my house).  Jody lived in a big old farm house with lots of trees around it.  It was a fun place to play.  I loved Jody.  She was my best friend. 

Back then we had party lines on the telephones and it just so happened that my parents shared a party line with Jody’s parents.  Every day at a certain time, which we had determined on the bus ride home beforehand, we would pick up the phone simultaneously and talk to each other for hours or until one of our mothers told us that was enough, which was usually the case. 

When Jody asked me to spend the night I did not know how to answer.  I had been to her house on several occasions to play.  Her house was very big.  A little girl could get lost in that house, especially in the dark.  It was not that I didn’t want to spend the night with my friend, but I was dreadfully afraid of the dark.  I still am.  (I have a very over active imagination when it comes to monsters and the boogeyman). 

I was afraid to tell Jody that I was afraid of the dark because I thought she would make fun of me, but I was more afraid to spend the night in that big G-I-N-O-R-M-O-U-S house in the dark.  I had to think of something.  So what did I do?  The same thing any normal elementary school child would do.  I lied.  I blamed my mother.

Those situations, as I have learned through the years, continued to surface over and over again.  I felt bad for lying to Jody back then about why I couldn’t spend the night.  I think what made me feel worse was that she asked Bonnie Fox to spend the night and after awhile they became best friends and I was eliminated from the picture.

Peer pressure is a terrible thing.  It can make you do things you wouldn’t normally do.  I learned very quickly how easy it was to put the blame on someone else (my mother, my kids, my husband) rather than stand up for myself regarding the things that I didn’t want to do.  It was much easier to blame someone than to take ownership and risk the abandonment of my so called friends.

This revelation came to me most recently because I made a choice.  I made a choice to stand up for what I believed instead of blaming someone else.  It was such an eye-opener to me because I never realized how compliant I had become over the years.

With a best friend you don’t need to pretend and you know you’re accepted for who you are and what you are no matter what… even at your worst your best friend loves you.  You can tell your best friend anything, share all your secrets, and not have to worry about being ridiculed … or can you?

Let no corrupt word proceed from your mouth but what is good for necessary edification that it may impart grace to the hearers. ~ Ephesians 4:29

We have to be careful what we say to each other, even or especially with our best friends.  Feelings can be hurt.  And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity.  The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.  ~ James 3:6.

Unless they are doing something Biblically immoral, unethical, wicked, illegal or sinful, some times it is better to keep our opinions to ourselves.  Just because we think a certain way or we live a different way or our views are not the same, it doesn’t mean we get to impart that knowledge as truth on our friends.

I guess that is why some people think friendship means “a ship that is big enough to carry two in fair weather but only one in foul”.

© Crackerberries 2011